So for right now, we’re just hanging and doing what we’ve always done around Boo Island Nation, maybe in smaller doses and smaller goals but the normalcy it is bringing to my head is beyond belief.
“You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self.
Don’t turn away from possible futures before you’re certain you don’t have anything to learn from them. You’re always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.”
I initially used this as a FB post though not everyone is going to see it there that is on this list. So bear with me on this one and I do have a new one right behind it.
I am having a difficult time doing some of these posts. I continue to edit them though I need to leave them alone – because the way I feel each day changes and I need to remember and embrace the fears and thoughts of the days that weren’t so good. So I’m working harder on being a bit more transparent and to try to share – which is something I was raised to not do.
Liam is helping me with that. It is one of our purposes together.
I am getting better. “Sharing is Caring” is more than a treat-getter – there is a real message there, and one that I have declined to hear for most of my life when it comes to myself. I could always give anyone anything except my feelings and this journey is a teachable-moment lesson each moment and in many ways.
I laughed when I wrote this because my sister P. would be so proud of me for being so open with everyone – can you hear her Marie? Screeching her four favorite words, “I told you so!”
So yesterday (October 12) was chemo treatment 3, full strength, 5 hour infusion. As of this morning I am totally nominal tho historically it’s the third and fourth day where if anything is going to happen, it’s going to happen. I learn more each time how to get ahead of the possibilities.
So please keep your fingers crossed it remains this way – that would be great and let me go to the Cluster this weekend!
The really great news is it appears – though he didn’t say it outright because he is a cool cucumber – Dr. B. is way pleased with my progress from when I was admitted to the hospital until now. He got giddy over my blood work from last week and one thing I do know is that my reactives went from nearly 10k (which should have been indicative to the rheumatologist I was DYING…oh well…the sad part is I believed him until I realized I was dying) 2.5 months ago to 474. Still way too high, though, it indicates that the chemo is doing its job and killing cells. My red blood counts are still askew though once the chemo is over they should repair and regenerate okay. If not, there are things naturally I can do to work on that.
One step at a time.
Looks like imaging in the next few weeks and if satisfactory to him, it will be on to surgery to take what is visible to him while he is in there.
He talked some about the importance of being healthy and mostly STRONG other wise and how much that lends to my case. So only being an idiot up to about 30 years of age is paying off for me, I guess. Too bad we couldn’t shut the stress off like we can shut off the enjoyments of life! Being at the Farm these past couple of years has lent to my strength and has even surprised Gene. Dr. B. promises I will be back there after the first of the year – that is – if Mike wants me to be hanging around and playing with and continue with my ruining of his dogs.
So right now is status quo. I am moving toward trying to meet every business deadline and doing stuff around here in case he decides to operate because even if it is robotic (fingers crossed) there is going to be a lot of tender tissue in the old guts for a bit.
Dr. B. is so confident and it just runs right out of him into you. He’s so much like Dr. Pattani and I am blessed to be led each time to exactly who I need. Even if the path was a little crooked.
The hard part is to not press the accelerator too much! Boo puts herself in front of my legs when it is time to stop and rest or go in the house. She is such a good little moderator.
Thank you for all the thoughts, the prayers, the words…
I am humbled and trying to meet all of your givings with grace. Accepting kindness and concerns from other people is difficult for me and this is one of the lessons I am learning. Liam reminds me hourly, “Sharing is caring,” and to receive with an open mouth, though even from him – one of my highest-achieved spiritual mentors – it’s hard for me to swallow that treat.
I promise I have about three blog posts in the pan and will post one soon. These have been difficult for me as I am not an “open” person. If they sound stupid, bear with me, I am working to adjust at the plate to hit this learning curveball I have been thrown.
I find myself laughing sometimes because I honestly can’t believe that I have this many people in my life who I call friends – more than that – my family of friends.
My blessings are a little overwhelming from time to time with all the goodness each of you give me.
Please know it’s from that goodness I am pulling a whole lot of strength.
Thank you for being a part of my recovery!